Is there a rule that says 'the longer the listing, the worse the landlord is?'Honestly, this landlord wrote a novella and the requirements are a bit ridiculous.  

Sure, there’s the usual “quiet, respectful, considerate, non-smoker” requirement, which is more than standard. But then it gets a bit weird… For example, this excerpt from the listing: 

"This Edwardian House is vegetarian and green living home. This space is suitable for 1 QUIET clean living, respectful, considerate non-smoker who is a Student or professional (one who sleeps at night). Not suitable for more than one person or a pet."

It continues: "We ask for no cooking of red meat or poultry in the apartment. Reheating previously cooked meat in Microwave OK. Roasting, baking and frying meats in the apartment is not OK. The house hold recycles and participates in everything as per city of Toronto guidelines!"

Uhhhh sorry what!?!? You cannot dictate what someone can or can’t cook or eat in a place they pay $1,350 a month for. Just no, absolutely not. 

Although... if you were to make a rule about what can or can’t be cooked in the apartment, surely it would be no microwaving fish? Right? That seems like the first thing you would outlaw. Just me?

Also in what universe do they think they can dictate what hours someone sleeps? Landlords can’t set bedtimes! Also have they met students?

My sleep patterns were so messed up in university that I think I inadvertently ended up doing that weird polyphasic sleep where you actually only sleep for two hours but just have short naps all the time. 

But, if they’re already trying to tell you what to eat and when to sleep, what’s next? Are they going to tell you when you can or can’t leave the house? You’re not my mom. You can’t tell me what to do! 

And apart from dictator-like tendencies of the landlords, this place is hardly worth $1,350 a month. They say the place is 360-square-feet but in actual fact (by the numbers they supplied), it’s more like 48 square feet to live in plus a 63-square-foot bathroom, which measures about 111-square-feet. 

So... a closet essentially. You’re paying $1,350 to live in a closet that has rules about how to live your life. Yeah. Okay. Sure. That sounds reasonable. Kill me.  

The photos of the bathroom actually look really nice, but I’m skeptical that it’s the bathroom in the house rather than something they ripped off an Airbnb site. Note the “verified by Airbnb.com” watermark.

Also, why is the bathroom bigger than your actual living space? You might as well sleep in the bathtub.  

Adding to the illegal things they’re asking for is first and last month’s rent just to apply. 

Seriously — who do they think they are?  

Specs

• Address: Huron St. and Bernard Ave.
• Type: Glorified closet
• Rent: $1,350/ month
• Furnished? There’s a murphy bed… so semi-furnished.
• Utilities: Yes  
• Air conditioning? Supplied (probably along with a list of acceptable clothes you can wear in the house)
• Bedrooms: 0
• Bathrooms: 1
• Parking: Street
• Laundry? Pay per use
• Outdoor space? No
• Pet friendly? No 

Good For

Finally seeing if clean eating and 8-hours of sleep really are all they're cracked up to be.  

Move On If

You moved out of your parents house for a reason. No one gives you a bedtime anymore! (Even though everyone over the age of 25 knows going to bed at a reasonable hour is better than any night out).