Free events in Toronto this week won't quite make up for you having been too broke to enjoy another long weekend, but beggars can't be choosers can they? My mom used to say that to our family dog, who also got the "no begging" speal a lot. You can imagine the confusing situation poor Dexter found himself in. He didn't get to make many decisions, begging or not.

Here's where to go to pretend you're not a replaceable cog in Toronto this week.

Scotiabank presents Summer Cinema @ Fort York
Fort York is getting a free outdoor film festival, and though festival might be pushing it (let's call it a series between you and I), it's free, so we'll shrug and go along. This week's screening is Jurassic Park. Tuesday, August 5, 7:30pm, Fort York National Historic Site (100 Garrison Rd).

THE TROUBLE WITH BRUNCH Cereal Bar Launch Party!
Shawn Micallef is taking brunch on in a town where I think you can actually go to prison for that. I'm all with you, Shawn (are we all broke because of brunch? I have theories), but hands off Psychic Brunch. Toronto investors: ask me about my Cat Brunch Dungeon concept if you've got money to burn. Wednesday, August 6, 6pm, Handlebar (159 Augusta Ave).

Beeing in the World: Artistic Perspectives on Nature and Culture
Penelope Stewarts's current exhibition is bee-rific (sorry) and this on site panel discussion will bee too (sorry). Bees, gotta love 'em. Wednesday, August 6, 6:30pm, Koffler Centre of the Arts (180 Shaw Street).

Outdoor Screening of "SHORT TERM 12"
A film about social work to feel along with outdoors. Regent Park lovers screening weepers. Wednesday, August 6, 9pm, Regent Park (585 Dundas Street East).

Night Owl Comedy Jam
Improv funnies for free, plus drinking games. My advice for winning drinking games on a budget is to opt out, but that tip's not for the faint of heart. Wednesday, August 6, 9:30pm, Black Swan Comedy (154 Danforth Ave).

Tell Me Something Good: AUGUST Sexy Storytelling Slam - Kink Edition
Sexy stories, truth or dare, and the opportunity to meet the kind of people who have ready-made cool answers to the question that's been around for as long as instant communication: what are you wearing? Wednesday, August 6, 8pm, Gladstone Hotel (1214 Queen Street West).

Jackhammers For Scenic Views
Absurdest Toronto-made art film Cold Iron Is A Titanic Comedy is touring the country, and you can catch a rare hometown screening this week in a west end art studio that's usually barred to the public. This is our freak pick of the week for film lovers, the art-addicted, and fans of all things weird. Wednesday, August 6, 7:30pm, Art Zoo Studio (1 Wiltshire Ave, Unit 132).

Music in St. James Park: Patrick Tevlin Blues Band and Free Blues Dance Class
I love it when they explain everything in the event title. Thursday, August 7, 6:30pm, St. James Park (120 King Street East).

Bicycle Opera Project
These quirky opera singers are touring the country by bike, and you can catch them at a PWYC show at Heliconian Hall (one of our top picks for under-the-radar classical music venues) this week. Thursday, August 7, 5pm, Heliconian Hall (35 Hazelton Avenue).

Steel Bananas Collective 2014 Publications Launch
Lit event of the week is the Steel Bananas fiction and artist book launch featuring live readings and Jasmyn Burke (Weaves) playing music for you as STRANDS. Thursday, August 7, 8pm, 3030 (3030 Dundas St. West).

Taste of the Danforth
Toronto's largest street fest is in Greektown along the Danforth all this weekend. Wander it for free and soak up the smells, sounds, and sights of the Mediterranean. Maybe a nice friend will buy you a nibble of souvlaki. August 8-10, GreekTown, Danforth.

Expressions of Brazil
The second event in the past month or so to honour Brazil, and that's not counting the World Cup stuff. Get a taste of the country beyond the soccer field all this weekend at the Harbourfront. August 8-10pm, Harbourfront Centre (235 Queens Quay West).

North York Festival 2014
This streetfest in North York includes free dance and singing competitions along with musical performances, a dance party, and magicians who can't help you with your credit card juggling, sorry. Friday, August 8, 12pm, Mel Lastman Square (5100 Yonge St).

Grange Festival
Another one with magic! Magicians always seem like they're hitting on me but I think it's actually more like they're just impressed with themselves in general. Play games and have a chill old time at this mini outdoor festival near OCAD. Friday, August 8, 12-4pm, Grange Park (23 Grange Road).

The Toronto Palestine Film Festival: Party in the Pits Outdoor Screening
Laila's Birthday will screen for free at Christie Pits Park. The absurdest story of a "judge-turned-taxi driver" was TPFF's voters' choice. Friday, August 8, 8pm, Christie Pits Park (750 Bloor St West).

#FreeFree4All Community Garden Party Potluck Picnic - Fri Aug. 8th
Want to learn a little more about gardening? Pull up some of your neighbour's fresh carrots and take them to this potluck. Just kidding - want to know my potluck secret? Super cheap (but ultra cute) pastry treats from the Caldense on Dundas. Friday, August 8, 5pm, Scadding Court Community Centre (707 Dundas Street West).

Synthesexer: August 8, Digits Little Kicks
This is only free from 10pm - 11pm! After that it's $5. Check out these modular styling DJs on Facebook. Friday, August 8, 10pm, The Piston (937 Bloor St West).

Toronto Queer Arts Festival Music Concert
Celebrate the Queers Arts Fest with music of varying styles by Ted Scarf, Anna Gutmanis, Amy Campbell, Jamieson M. Eakin and and Elek Semilla. Friday, August 8, 8pm, The Sister (1554 Queen Street West)

MJ PRINCE VIDEOS ALL NIGHT
Michael Jackson and Prince videos all night in the back room of the Miami inspired restaurant / bar. Dirty Diana shots are $4, so maybe you can afford get drunk enough to moonwalk for once. Friday, August 8, 9pm, The Steady Cafe & Bar (1051 Bloor St West).

Free Lemonade and Signed Photos of John Stamos
The Marxist Nudist Taxidermy Club probably signed those John Stamos pics themselves, FYI. Still, free lemonade is nice. Saturday, August 9, 1-4pm, Dufferin Grove Park (875 Dufferin St).

Absolut Makerfest
RSVP for an art/technology musing event that claims to be Toronto's biggest party of the summer - and with Q-Tip and Theophilus London providing music and those most beloved words in Toronto, complimentary cocktails, who would argue? Don't be silly - show up early or you'll be stuck in line, aka the black hole of all free events. Saturday, August 9, 9pm, 99 Sudbury.

Toronto Queer West Film Festival
Head to Buddies for an annual PWYC (not free, but you can cry poor) screening of a diverse line up of LGBTQ programming as part of the Toronto Queer Arts and Culture Festival. Saturday, August 9, 6pm, (Buddies in Bad Times Threatre) 12 Alexander St.

YTV Summer Beach Bash
Read this quote: "musical performances, extreme buskers, thrilling water stunts, food, games, and more." What, pray tell, is an extreme busker? I'm guessing poppers are involved, though this is a family event. Wear something extreme cute, maybe you'll be on TV. Saturday, August 9, 12-5pm, Sugar Beach (11 Dockside Dr).

Good People EP RELEASE w/ Kennedy, No Hands Blackbelt
Good People will release their new EP Life is Very Long with friends. Punk friends (the best kind). Saturday, August 9, 10pm, Smiling Buddha (961 College St).

Video Vengeance #9 - Berry Gordy's The Last Dragon 1985 - Free VHS Screening
Martial arts movies: due for a comeback? Sunday, August 10, 8pm, KITCH (229 Geary Ave).

Toronto Queer Arts Festival Smash Words
Poetry and more from "six of Toronto's best known LGBT spoken word artists" aka Philip Cairns, Alec Butler, Katie Sly, J.P. Larocque, Jenna Harris and "Power Chair Dancer," Frank G. Hull. Bring money, it's PWYC (can you spare $5?). Sunday, August 10, 7pm, Press Club (850 Dundas Street West).

CPFF Days of Summer closing night: Moonrise Kingdom
Last one of the summer! Wes Anderson's Snorerise, I mean Moonrise Kingdom will play in the park. The screening will also include Record which was directed by Dylan Reibling and Martha and the Muffins - too bad it's not screening at Echo Beach, but Christie Pits is lovely and easier to bike to. Sunday, August 10, 7:30pm, Christie Pits Park (779 Crawford Ave West).

• Elvis Mondays at the Drake
• Foosball Battle Royale, Monday, Disgraceland
• Art Gallery of Ontario free evening, Wednesday, 6-8:30pm.
• IFOA Weekly, free for supporters, students, & youth under 26, Wednesday, Harbourfront Centre
• Skin of My Nuts Comedy Show, Thursday, Sonic Espresso Bar
• Free patio concerts, Thursday until Aug 7, Roy Thomson Hall
• Canadian Opera Company's Free Concerts series
• While nearly all art galleries in the city are free to enter, it's worth noting The Museum of Contemporary Canadian Art (MOCCA) is always PWYC.
• The ROM (Royal Ontario Museum) offers discounted tickets on Fridays ($10).

Lead image by BruceK