Free events in Toronto this week will sing to you, read to you, and hype you up for the Feminist Porn Awards. It's the end of the month, and after my rent cheque cashes I'll have $1.40 in my bank account. We're all in this together until we die (everyone dies alone).

Here's how to make memories with no money this week in Toronto.

The St. Royals Showcase
Double your blues with two St. Royals 9-piece bands (aka the "soul scenesters of Toronto's funk, motown, soul & RnB") at the Drake. Dance and feel blue til late. Monday, March 31, 10:30pm, Drake Hotel (1150 Queen Street West).

The Further Adventures of Antoine Feval
"London, 1897. Incurable optimist and Sherlock Holmes fan Barnaby Gibbs has found himself in the only role in which a man of his incredible shortcomings can achieve anything in this world - as partner to the brilliant detective Antoine Feval." Jackie English is filming a detective story of sorts, with audience participation, on April Fools Day, and you get in free (no jokes!) though if you bring a donation for Sick Kids Hospital then you earn a gold pipe in heaven. Tuesday, April 1, 7pm, The Great Hall (1087 Queen St. W.).

Indie 88 Presents Nu Music Nite w/ HIGHS, Kalle Mattson & LAMBS
All these bands with the all caps names make me feel old. And distinguished. I like it. Music at the Horseshoe Tavern! It's free just like how the radio is free. But you don't need to own a radio, you just need to show up. Tuesday, April 1, 8:30pm, The Horseshoe Tavern (370 Queen Street West).

Tell Me Something Good: Sexy Storytelling Slam - Feminist Porn Awards Week Special!
Miss playing truth or dare? The Gladstone does too. Inspired by Bawdy Storytelling in California and in anticipation of the Feminist Porn Awards, Tell Me Something Good invites you to stop by and throw your name into their (sexy?) hat -- fifteen people will be selected to speak. And yes, warm up games include truth or dare. Wednesday, April 2, 8pm, Gladstone Hotel (1214 Queen Street West).

GlitClit at the Beaver
GlitClit is Lady Pimienta's DJ name, further installing her as one of Toronto's most brilliant personas going. Get crazy with her on a Wednesday at the Beaver! It's PWYC, but she understands if you're dead broke. Thursday, April 3, 10pm, The Beaver (1192 Queen St W).

On Stage On Demand: 8th Day
Is the zombie apocalypse coming? Stephanie Crothers and Shayne Monaghan suggest it may very well be, but only if you spend all your time thinking about it. This is a free show, with voluntary donations going to support the Red Cross Emergency Response Unit. Thursday, April 3, 7pm, The Great Hall (1087 Queen St. W).

Feminist Porn Awards Afterparty
Do you want to party with pornstars? Come on, you do. This star-studded afterparty has free entry and entertainment by Boy Pussy, plus something the bartenders at the Steady are calling $5 Gangbang Guzzlers. That's gross, y'all. Might as well call into work ahead of time. Wednesday, April 3, 11pm, The Steady Cafe & Bar (1051 Bloor St W).

Coach House Spring 2014 Launch
Andr Alexis, Jen Currin, Brecken Hancock, Rhonda Mullins, and Sina Queyras will be reading as Coach House Books launches their spring round of titles. You get to see it all for free, so remember to buy your favourite reader a drink. Thursday, April 3, 8pm, The Garrison (1197 Dundas St W).

Of Mice and Morro and Jasp
Comedy duo Morro & Jasp are taking on John Steinbeck's classic tale (hehe, tail) of tragedy ( :( ) for one night only, and it's totally free, because the actresses know times are hard now, too. Send in the clowns. Friday, April 4, 7pm, The Great Hall (1087 Queen W).

4th Annual Level Up Showcase
Here's one for the gamers: Design Exchange will host dozens of team projects from fifteen Toronto institutions. Try games and meet developers, all at no cost. Friday, April 4, 5pm - 10pm, Design Exchange (234 Bay Street).

Pillow Fight Toronto 2014
It's a pillow fight outside of City Hall. Your adrenaline is still surging from Gladstone Truth or Dare. You are going to win this thing. Your name is Rob Ford. Organizers stress bringing feather free pillows only (sorry, Rob), remind you to take your glasses off, and encourage pajamas. Saturday, April 5, 3pm, Nathan Phillips Square (Bay & Queen).

Really Really Free Market at Campbell Park
Campbell Park Clubhouse is hosting a free market -- no cover, no buying, no swapping, just free stuff for grabs. Bring any clean and usable items you want to give away before 3pm. If you're a hoarder, maybe stay home and tidy a corner. Saturday, April 5, 10am - 4pm, Campbell Park Clubhouse (195 Campbell Avenue).

Brains, Words & Voices
For PWYC, you can take part in Toronto's only monthly poetry recitation contest (according to them, anyway), Brains, Words & Voices, who offer a $100 prize to the best reader. Oh, and it's in an old coffin factory. All poems must be "classic pre-1975 poems" to qualify. You need this money. You can do this. Your name is Rob Ford. Sunday, April 6, 6:30pm, Coffin Factory (109 Niagara St, Toronto).

White Ribs, FOAM, Baku-Eater of Dreams
Not free, but a nice little pay-what-you-can music affair at Clinton's to end your weekend. White Ribs will be fresh from their Wavelength show. Sunday, April 6, 8:30pm, Clintons (693 Bloor St. W).

Also check out these regular free events in Toronto

• Elvis Mondays at the Drake
• Art Gallery of Ontario free evening, Wednesday, 6-8:30pm.
• CINSSU's Free Friday Film Screenings
• Canadian Opera Company's Free Concerts series
• While nearly all art galleries in the city are free to enter, it's worth noting The Museum of Contemporary Canadian Art (MOCCA) is always pwyc.
• The ROM (Royal Ontario Museum) offers discounted tickets on Fridays ($10).

Lido Pimienta photo by Blake MacFarlane