Free events in Toronto are like a box of chocolates. A dry lecture series here (perfect for the serious minded), a red hot cuntry (sic) themed drag dance night there, and a creamy, sweet little romance novel tell-all there. Now, my broke companions in smut, what are we wearing to Fashion Week? Whatever sharp little item is half price at Goodwill, duh.

Here's how to live like a socialite on nickles and dimes in Toronto this week.

Toronto Fashion Week Launch Party
Fashion Week Fall/Winter 2014 begins tomorrow (yeah, you almost didn't notice, again) and this party at the Thompson Toronto is free -- if you RSVP! So do it quick by emailing thompsonhotelguestlist@gmail.com for a guestlist spot. Look for Spiro Mandylor, Philip Princeton, and Sunny Fong of VAWK, plus (more importantly) free drink tickets if you arrive early enough. Monday, March 17, 9pm, Thompson Toronto (550 Wellington Street West).

Possibilities: an event!
Buddies In Bad Times Theatre is hosting a community art share this Monday night. The queer friendly space invites you to bring your art, make some art in the theatre, or just meet some creative Toronto people. Monday, March 17, 6pm, Buddies In Bad Times Theatre (12 Alexander Street).

Toronto New Music Alliance presents New Music 101
The Toronto New Music Alliance (TNMA) and the Toronto Public Library bring you a free peek into the world of contemporary music. This week's tribute to the art of sound engineer features The Music Gallery's Technical Director Paul Hodge, who's been behind the controls for 38-years. Monday, March 10, 7pm, Toronto Reference Library (789 Yonge Street).

Spoke Talks: Toronto Architecture
Architecture buffs should head to the spoke club on Tuesday to pick brains and participate in a Q&A with a number of Toronto architects and interior designers from varying backgrounds. Tuesday, March 18, 7pm, The Spoke Club (600 King Street West, 4th Floor).

Point and Counterpoint: Cultural Diversity and the Environment
The Native Canadian Centre of Toronto hosts this discussion on the topic of Canada's fresh water supply, the Great Lakes Protection Act, and more, featuring stories by four story tellers. It's free but you have to register at rsvp@sustainabilitynetwork.ca! Tuesday, March 18, 5:30pm, The Native Canadian Centre of Toronto (16 Spadina Road).

Chiaroscuro Reading Series
Broke science fiction, fantasy, and/or horror writer looking to meet other broke science fiction, fantasy, and/or horror writers? In need of some nerdy entertainment courtesy of some fine Toronto indie artists? Round will host what they claim is Toronto's only genre-specific reading series with Terri Favro, Stan Rogal, and Doug Smith, plus live music between readings. Wednesday, March 19, 8pm, Round (152 Augusta Ave).

Learning to Love the Thoth Tarot. Free Talk
Word on the street is this Thoth Tarot deck thing contains evil, dangerous, dark energy. While this talk will get a little culty, it will focus on the bright side of the deck. Pick up some party skills and tips for chatting up witchy types and the new age inclined. Because sometimes they sure wanna chat with you. Wednesday, March 19, 7:30pm, The Hermit's Lamp (425 Vaughan Rd).

Intimacy in Readerships: Exploring the Romantic Fiction Publishing Industry
Is your steamy Harry Potter fan fiction ready to take it to the next level? Learn "all about the romantic fiction publishing industry" and get one step closer to making 50 shades of green. There's talk of wine and cheese, too. Wednesday, March 19, 7pm, Charbonnel Lounge (81 St. Mary Street).

Trailer Sass: Cuntry Fried Edition ft Trixie-Dixon
The Beaver is getting their Dolly on (when is the Dolly Parton Is exhibit at the AGO?? Wait, I'm not kidding.) with a "CUNTry" party hosted by Allysin Chaynes. Trixie Dixon will perform and Aqua V Ulva will play "campy doowop, dirty eighties and sleazy seventies non hits from the trailer park." Thursday, March 20, 10:30pm, The Beaver (1192 Queen St W).

OCAD Open Mic: March Edition Mar 20
Free food! And the mic is open. Come on come on the mic is open. If you don't look at least 30% like an OCAD student this might be a bit awkward, but that's a pretty wide berth especially with this whole normcore thing. Free food! Thursday, March 20, 7pm, OCAD Student Union (51 McCaul Street Room 187).

PARTY & BULL$HIT
Need to shake the week away? Need to shake your life away? Get to the The Shop under Parts & Labour before 11pm on Saturday (otherwise you're paying a $5 cover) for a rap party hosted by K Dilla with Family Business DJs FBomb & Ry-Fi. Saturday, March 22, 10pm, Parts & Labour (1566 Queen St. W).

The Trial Of Ken Gass
This absurdist comedy in the east end will cost you $15 except on Sunday, when it's PWYC (so bring some of your pizza change). Based on the story of the dismissal of Canadian theatre legend Ken Gass, the Kafkaesque comedy will hit home for both those tangled up in the arts world and anyone who's been touched by the cold breath of bureaucracy ever. So, you. Sunday, March 23, 2:30pm matinee, Big Picture Cinema (1035 Gerrard St. East).

Also check out these regular free events in Toronto

• Elvis Mondays at the Drake
• Art Gallery of Ontario free evening, Wednesday, 6-8:30pm.
• CINSSU's Free Friday Film Screenings
• Canadian Opera Company's Free Concerts series
• While nearly all art galleries in the city are free to enter, it's worth noting The Museum of Contemporary Canadian Art (MOCCA) is always pwyc.
• The ROM (Royal Ontario Museum) offers discounted tickets on Fridays ($10).