A popular theme with sex advice columnists is the heretofore "vanilla" individual who, having experienced some new twist on their regular sexual adventures, has their panties in a knot over how this will affect their relations with their partner of choice.

It's easy to make light of the idea of confessing some sexual perversion to one's partner in the abstract but it's an entirely different thing to confess that there's nothing you'd like better than to piss in your loved one's mouth, for example. After all, you have no idea how they'll react and many a newly-uncovered a kink has been the end of a previously-perfect relationship.

Me, I always enjoyed these accounts but I figured I knew myself pretty well. After all, I was 27 years-old and had presumably progressed beyond my college days to embrace the well-oiled sexual practices of the post-grad. I was no longer "figuring things out" (or at least I thought not).

Everything changed last year when I had a homosexual threesome with a friend and some dude we were hanging out with at a certain after-hours club on Queen St. West (some of you will know of it).

I've never been that into guys (and nothing's changed) but when the guy we met began to lick my ass, I had a bit of a sexual epiphany. I realized that I really liked it and it had almost nothing to do with the gender of the person down there.

While I may not have been entirely comfortable with the circumstances of my paradigm shift, I was not unaware of the possibilities of sharing this discovery with a partner I was more into and the opportunity was not long in coming.

A friend-with-benefits found out about my kink and expressed a sincere desire to help me out which, after several self-aborted attempts, came about in a way that removed any doubt that this was something I truly enjoyed.

The only remaining obstacle to my full acceptance of my kink was my up-to-this-point extreme reticence when it came to matters of the ass. Anything anal had always repulsed me and here I was partaking and enjoying in something that I couldn't presently perform myself.

Being a fair person, I found the idea that I enjoyed a kink that I was unable reciprocate with intolerable and seeing as most people I've discussed it with in an abstract sense found it equally disgusting, I was beginning to come to terms with whatever amount of self-loathing I'd have to embrace to bury it within me.

It was my friend that helped me realize that just because I enjoyed something did not mean my partner had to enjoy it equally. Part of the pleasure she derived from the act had to do with the knowledge that she was getting me off and the same could be applied to things she enjoyed more than I.

I began to realize that, as long as we both derived satisfaction from what we did with each other, it didn't necessarily matter that we got off in slightly different ways. What mattered was that we were both honest with each other when it came down to what we really enjoyed.

While this realization pleased me no end as far as my current FWB relationship was concerned, I was in no way convinced that my kink was in any way transferable to any new partner I might become involved with. After all, I am under no illusions as to how difficult it can be to find someone one can really click with, especially when it comes something that has the potential to be as potentially-esoteric as eating ass.

I'm sure this is a question many of you have asked yourselves. Just how much do I like this? Is this something I need to do with every single partner or is this is something I'm willing to compromise on? Why do I feel so conflicted about it?

While I'm still attempting to define exactly where I stand as far as my kink goes, I'm curious if anyone else has one that leaves them on unsure of where they stand. More importantly, I'm interested in how you've dealt with/or are dealing with it.

The best story wins a prize, generously supplied by me and guaranteed to be appropriate to the circumstances above.

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Photo: Dave Simmer.