Toronto concerts worth knowing about in May, 2013.

OK, Erin didn't write this so if you came here for decent jokes, find her via Eat This, her classy soup kitchen.

Y'all are really lucky, though, because bands are getting into their warm-weather-happy-times tour schedules, and while NXNE isn't until June (and so far looks to be dis-a-pointing compared to Halifax's Obey fest) May is bumpin. Bumpin. Meaning I found some legit shows to hype for you, including Toronto Thaw 3, which will set the month on fire before we even notice it's here.

In case you care, pop punkers, the New Found Glory show on May 18th has been cancelled. Better news is D'Angelo has been rescheduled for May 31st.

HOT TICKETS

TORONTO THAW THREE / MAY 1 - 4 / VARIOUS VENUES / ALL SHOWS $10 EACH
Four nights and over twenty bands, artists and DJs celebrate things thawing in Toronto. Maybe it's a dead squirrel by the curb where you unlock your bike in the morning; maybe it's... your heart.

Playing are a bunch of bands with bad ass names: Tarantula X, SINS, Mass Horns, Hussy, Black Paradise, Violent Future, LICE, DJ Kontravoid, S.H.I.T., Hassler, and Spearhead, as well as acts with more mom friendly names: Slim Twig (depending how your mom interprets it), Absolutely Free, Beliefs, Soupcans, Young Mother (your mom might have some tips for her!), Das Rad, Absolut, Biblical, Elsa, and DJ's Aaron Levin and Josh V, who judging by their names seem like guys your mom might like. Venues and line ups are on Toronto Thaw's Facebook event and on their poster.

TITUS ANDRONICUS / MAY 2 / LEE'S PALACE / $18.50
This band from NYC rock out with guitars and lyrics of above average intelligence. I lived with someone who listened to them way too much in 2010, but I still can respect and dig their sound, and believe they will deliver tomorrow at Lee's.

PETRA GLYNT + FIN TOUR KICK OFF / MAY 2 / DOUBLE DOUBLE LAND / $7
Visual artists Alex Mackenzie and Rebecca Fin Simonetti perform together sonically and otherwise as Wet Nurse, but this spring's east coast Wet Nurse tour will see them playing separate sets: both artists and gearing up to release their debut albums. If you find the phrase peace can come only through confrontation with life's brutality and the psychedelic mundane appealing, then this is for you.

Fin investigates how reality is really psychedelic and teaches girls-only audio tutorials around Toronto, while one of blogTO's editors thinks Petra Glynt might be the next Grimes - and it isn't me. I think Petra Glynt is...Petra Glynt.

The night also features music by Jax Deluca (Buffalo), hand painted films and sound by Pat Cain (Buffalo), and visuals by Brady Bothwell.

WHITE RING / MAY 4 / NOCTURNE / $12
This NYC experimental / trance / noise duo is so mysterious. What are they doing right now? Probably something Satanic, or cuddling a dog. Contradictions are key to these brilliant, scroungy weirdos: when vocalist Malia whispers, sings and screams over desperate, distorted abstractions of house music and gun shots, nothing gets kids dancing with more joy. They're dirtier yet softer than Crystal Castles, and it's about time they made it to Toronto.

HugsNotDrugs and Some Minor Noise are opening, and I'll be doing some sound art if you come early enough, which you won't because you'll be doing something Satanic (to your makeup) or hanging out with your dog.

GOLD PANDA / MAY 8 / THE HORSESHOE / $15
Gold Panda good! Dancing fun.

MAKAIKAT DAN SINGA / MAY 14 / THE GARRISON / $10
All around psychedelic guy Arrington de Dionyso double times as a visual artist and a musician, and while he's consistently exploring interesting territory with both, my personal belief that his public love of noise patterns can help free the bodies and spirits of Western music fans from the tyranny of the male plaid paradigm makes him a folk hero. Noise patterns! Down with plaid.

Dionyso hits Toronto this time with his trance punk band Malaikat dan Singa, in support of their new release Open the Crown on K Records. The album is the bands' first release to feature English as well as Indonesian vocals. Single "I Create in a Broken System", for an avant dance track, actually reminds me of Pavement, but in a way that's fresh and unique, which really, how can that be possible, but it does. "Open the Crown" and I Feel the Quickening" are spookier and kinda ride a Liars vibe. This band take a far out idea and make something real with it.

OXBOW / MAY 18 / THE GARRISON / $12
One of if now the most exciting shows of May. Watch this video where Oxbow talk about only being able to tour 2 weeks each year, making people cry, getting the power cut on them at shows, and how they don't make any money, ever.

The San Francisco noise / avant jazz / blues / classical band is fronted by writer and amateur fighter Eugene Robinson, and their sound is comparable to everything from hardcore punk to Xiu Xiu to The Birthday Party to that confusing happy-sad feeling that makes me want to break things by hugging them.

COLIN STETSON / MAY 19 / THE GREAT HALL / $13.50
Colin Stetson is really good at bass sax. If you haven't witnessed how good he is at bass sax, you should check out this guy and his bass sax skills. He's also one of the cooler acts who have made the Polaris shortlist, and tours as a member of bands that many people like such as Arcade Fire, Bell Orchestre, and Bon Iver.

MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS / MAY 23 / ECHO BEACH / $28.50 - 38.50
Marina and the Diamonds do the pop with bite thing, and while I find their music pretty surface this show gets points for being at Echo Beach, which is a lovely spot despite people who turn around to glare at every airplane that passes over head. Opening is Charli XCX, who has a really nice, smooth sound. Could be a romantic night.

PICASTRO / MAY 25 / THE WHITE HOUSE / $7
Psychfolk gloomers Picastro play around Toronto a fair amount but this show is special as the line up is delicate and focused yet has enough variety to keep fans awake. Also playing are Khora, a drone artist signed to Constellation, and Clara Engel, who recently appeared as one of eight vocalists on Aidan Baker's 2013 water spirits centric album Already Drowning. It's going to be a gentle one.

D'ANGELO / MAY 31 / SOUND ACADEMY / $72.50 - 92.50
After postponing his original Toronto date, Richmond Virginia R&B artist D'Angelo will touch down in Toronto at the end of May, and this is One Artist Dietitians And Therapists Are Furious About, because he'll get you sweating your troubles away.

BRAD PAISLEY / MAY 31 / MOLSON AMPHITHEATRE / $29.50 - $79.50
Just kidding, lol. Probably could have talked about another artist in this spot. Something to think about.
NOTE: Do you want to photograph/interview people outside the Brad Paisley concert for blogTO? Get in touch.

OTHER NOTEWORTHY CONCERTS

THE LUMINEERS / MAY 2 & 3 / SOUND ACADEMY / $?
3 INCHES OF BLOOD + GOATWHORE / MAY 3 / THE OPERA HOUSE / $20
THIS IS HELL / MAY 3 / PARTS & LABOUR / $8
BILLY BRAGG / MAY 3 / DANFORTH MUSIC HALL $32.50
PROSUMER / MAY 4 / BLK BOX / $20
JAMES BLAKE / MAY 4 / DANFORTH MUSIC HALL / $25
PURITY RING / MAY 5 / DANFORTH MUSIC HALL $20
PURE X / MAY 7 / THE SILVER DOLLAR ROOM / $12.50
DAUGHTER / MAY 7 / THE GREAT HALL / $16.50
BLACK REBEL MOTORCYCLE CLUB / MAY 9 / KOOL HAUS / $25
HIM / MAY 9 / DANFORTH MUSIC HALL / $36.50 - 42.50
FEAST IN THE EAST 25 / MAY 10 / POLYHAUS / $7
LIGHTS / MAY 10 / WINTER GARDEN THEATRE / $35.33
THE PRESETS AND DRAGONETTE / MAY 10 / DANFORTH MUSIC HALL / $25
THE BREEDERS / MAY 11 / THE DANFORTH MUSIC HALL $22.50
FOALS / MAY 11 / KOOL HAUS / $24
DOLDRUMS / MAY 11 / THE HORSESHOE / $10
FAUN FABLES / MAY 13 / DOUBLE DOUBLE LAND / $10
PARAMORE / MAY 13 / SOUND ACADEMY / $35 - $45
THE KILLERS / MAY 15 / AIR CANADA CENTRE $24.50 - $65
FLYING LOTUS / MAY 15 / SOUND ACADEMY / $22.50
VAMPIRE WEEKEND / MAY 16 / SONY CENTRE $33.50 - $44.50
METZ / MAY 17 / LEE'S PALACE / $15
THE THERMALS / MAY 21 / THE HORSESHOE / $15
FIELDED / MAY 21 / HANDLEBAR / $5
THE SHINS / MAY 22 / SOUND ACADEMY / $34.50 - $44.50
ANTI-FLAG / MAY 23 / HARD LUCK / $16
TOMMY FOUR SEVEN / MAY 24 / HAPPY ENDINGS
FALL OUT BOY / MAY 24 / SOUND ACADEMY / $35
THE ROLLING STONES / MAY 25 / AIR CANADA CENTRE / $224 - $6845 or $466.50 to $624
CLOUD BECOMES YOUR HAND / MAY 26 / HOLY OAK / $6
THE STRANGLERS / MAY 31 / DANFORTH MUSIC HALL /
HOODED FANG / MAY 31 / THE HORSESHOE / $15
AME / MAY 31 / TBA (SECRET WAREHOUSE)
CANNIBAL CORPSE / MAY 31 / PHOENIX / $26.50

Photo of Oxbow by Katja Ogrin.