100K by DUDEBOX
A hundred. Thousand. Dollars.
That's what happens after years of cleaning up puke in the shower, painting over tags die Swank, having countless conversations with cops yes officer, sorry officer and being really hospitable to your girlfriend meet me in the shower but don't puke or tag anything.
But you don't really care though right? Right lil homie? You're all "dog, your parties are just hip hop in weird places with school dance lasers". True.
And your late 20s hipster friend is like "all it is is a bunch of model bartenders who don't even know about syrups or citrus zests or tinctures". Yup. They're babes.
And that Accounts Manager you met on tinder is like "I thought those parties were cool until I met the dudes who run them. They're just a bunch of pricks who think they're the shit but really they're super faded". Guilty. Hard!
So we're taking a new approach. Check it out:
Don't come.
Don't even show up! Shit's wack as hell anyways. And the less people that show, the less blue denim stains we have to wash off the walls when the lights come up.
In fact we're with you. We can't even. We're totally over it and we'd like to apologize. Fuck the Dudebox. We're the worst. There's nothing cool about grinding on all fours with your best friend's sister. We know this now and we're sorry.
Moving forward we pledge to stop:
-providing cheap drinks to hot babes in dope spaces
-raising over 100K for local charities
-swearing and being generally sexist and crass in attempts to convince people to donate money and have fucking sex while doing it
-projecting compilations of Will Smith dancing onto huge warehouse walls with soaring, industrial ceilings
-featuring up and coming Toronto superstars just before they blow up
-hinting that OVO will be there, partially or in full, at any time
But we gotta do it just one more time though. So forgive us. On Saturday September 20th we need to collectively raise $6,000 to push Dudebox over the 100K donation mark. It's a huge fucking deal and we're pumped.
A couple things that are going to happen:
-Cash bar all drinkz is 5 buck$
-chicks making out for sure
-presenting Toronto's own Birthday Boy
-maybe a confetti gun
-hype hip hop from our residents James Nightingale aka James Redi, aka The Man, The Beard and Jon "Chetty" Baker aka DJ Hot Sauce, aka Mr. Nice Guy
-Olivia Chow for a bit. Actually.
-VICE Dont's outfits for days
-Drake sitting on a chair in the middle of the dance floor just rubbing his face and wearing a 6ix tshirt
-Jennifer Lawrence naked and surrounded by people telling us not to look at her because it's wrong
-some guy pointing at a girl saying "that's my fianc" and some girls close by overhearing him and thinking he said "that's Beyonce" and then tweeting that they saw Beyonce at a Dudebox jam and us neither affirming nor denying it
It's mostly true. And it's the last time. After this we're done, we swear. Just like Michael Jordan. And Jay-Z. And Bill Clinton realistically speaking.
So get here Scrooge McDuck. Or don't. Less of your groinsmore butts on ours. Dude math.
Saturday September 20th. 19. 10pm. $10. 213 Sterling St. Cash Only. DDBX.
SPONSORED BY OUR PALS AT STEAM WHISTLE
80 of profits go to our dudes' ride to New Orleans in support of Wellspring Cancer Support Network.
20 reinvested into DDBX's social enterprise.
Birthday Boy
https://soundcloud.com/birthdayboyofficial
James Redi
https://soundcloud.com/james-redi-mixtapes
Hot Sauce