IT'S A GOOD OL' FASHIONED HIGH SCHOOL NYE HOUSE PARTY AND YOU'RE INVITED.

Know why this house party is gonna be better than your friend Kyle's house party back when you were 16?

- Our liquor cabinet is bigger than his. Let's face it, Kyle's parents were squares. Like, nice of them to always host, but the closest they ever got to wine was keeping grapes in their well-stocked fruit bowl.

- We'll have more than enough red solo cups and Smirnoff Ice and Malibu and vodka and Palm Bays and other classic highschool elixirs. Lord knows basic counting skillz were not in Kyle's wheelhouse. Bless you, Kyle. Bless you.

- Our basement is bigger than his basement, and we've got free bocce/shuffleboard for ya all night long. He didn't have that. We can't really fault him for this one, but it's still a fact. Sorry Kyle.

- We're gonna put more effort into trashy high school decor than Kyle EVER did. Kyle was not good at decorating, and you can say that now because it's not like Kyle's picked up the phone once in the last three years to ask you how you've been since he married Susan. Like, are you even friends anymore? Not if Susan has anything to say about it.

- There will be complimentary jello shots at midnight. No, you do not have to put the $5 "bonus" you got as a retail associate at Future Shop (RIP) for being the only employee to show up on time into a hat to supplement Kyle's "costs." Kyle also worked at Future Shop (RIP) and he could've been on time if he tried hard enough. Kyle didn't try.

There will be DJ Brains4Brkfst playing high school guilty pleasures on actual speakers. There will be a real dancefloor. There will be an official NYE countdown so nobody has to look at their phone. There will be a fancy alocoholic prize for the group of friends having the most fun (srsly). There will be no lineup.

There will be NO parents. There will be NO bedtime. There will be NO (ok, some) RULEZ (like, you have to be 19+, so bring your damn ID ok?!).

Oh, and we don't wanna say that one of the bocce ball lanes will be converted into Bucket Ball, and we also don't wanna say that Bucket Ball is sort of like Giant Beer Pong, so we won't say any of that.

LET'S SAY GOODBYE TO 2017 WITH JELLO SHOTS & GUILTY PLEASURE TUNES & FRIENDS OTHER THAN KYLE.

LOVE,

T&F